Every day I wake up and think to myself, "you never have to go to school ever again," and then I can get up.

The other day I saw a school bus drive by and my stomach dropped. I felt the same wave of dread that came over me at the end of every summer, ages six to seventeen. I’ve found there’s nothing better to rid oneself of this anxiety than indulging in something that reminds me of adulthood – like a good beer. The only question we have to answer then today is: “what exactly is a summer beer?” The answer: I don’t know and ohmigod we’re running out of summer!

There are dozens of brews out there that call themselves “summer beer,” such as the Sierra Nevada Summerfest sweating on my desk at this very moment. The language on all their labels promises crisp, light, thirst-quenching drinks. For the most part, they all have a fairly low alcohol content, too, lending themselves to long, hot afternoons. With those characteristics in mind, let’s take a look at some of my favorite styles that will cool you down on these remaining Indian summer days.

Wheat beers cut the heat pretty efficiently, and I find hefeweizens to be some of the most effective. Yeasty and fruity, they come in pretty tall, thin glasses with a curl of lemon or orange on the lip. (A highly contested piece of fruit, as some so-called aficionados claim it ruins the taste and head. Come on, let’s have a little fun here.) The best hefe I ever had was a Weihenstephaner (they’re also fun to say!) on a blistering day in Boston. The a/c was out at my favorite bar so the bartender suggested this brand, introducing me to the surprisingly fruity taste of hefes and the phrase “banana-nose,” which can refer to the sometimes-oppressive banana taste in certain brands.

The Berliner Weisse is another refreshing wheat beer, but completely different from its cousin, the hefe. I’d like to call it the champagne of beers, but a certain lawnmower beer* has falsely appropriated this nickname. The Berliner Weisse is refreshingly bubbly and quite tart. It’s traditionally served with syrups to cut the sourness, either raspberry or woodruff, from a sweet-smelling plant. However, perhaps because I’m a little tart myself, I like it on its own.

Very dry and a little bitter (again, just how I like ‘em), Kolsch beers are especially thirst-quenching. Unfortunately, Kolsch and Berliner Weisse are difficult styles to find in the US. What we have started to see a lot of here are the summer shandies. To be fair, this is actually a drink and not a beer style, but it is damn tasty. Essentially just wheat beer and lemonade, about a 50/50 mix, you can make this yourself. Or you can pick up a sixer of Leinenkugel’s Summer Shandy, which is quite delicious once you’ve swallowed the bitter fact of the brewery now being part of the Miller Brewing Company**. Anheuser-Busch InBev also puts out one, Shock Top Summer Shandy. Haven’t tried it because I’m a snob.

It’s supposed to reach 90 degrees here in northern Ohio today, and I fear I may have to do more research on this subject. If you have a favorite beer you enjoy in the summer, let me know…and soon, please.

*Crap beer you can drink all day while mowing the lawn. These will require a entirely separate post.

**Again, another post: are monster international brewing companies ruining American craft beer?